6 Funny Marijuana Quotes That You Won’t Believe Someone Actually Said

6 Funny Marijuana Quotes That You Won’t Believe Someone Actually Said

This world can be a pretty messed up place sometimes.

We could all use a good laugh.

That’s why we’ve put together some of the best funny marijuana quotes so you can marvel at the hilarity and the awesomeness of some of the fellow humans on this planet.

1. “Of course I know how to roll a joint.” -Martha Stewart | TV Personality, Business Woman, Writer

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Ah, Martha Stewart. TV’s favorite television personality gone bad to the bone.

After being found guilty in 2004 for multiple counts of false statements, conspiracy, and obstruction of justice, Stewart lost some credibility in her reputation.

However, many years later, she was able to leverage her somewhat tainted reputation to rebuild one with a little more grit.

Which, if we’re being honest, has been way more entertaining.

Stewart even co-stars on a show called Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party with Snoop Dogg.

I wonder if it was Snoop himself who taught her how to roll a joint.

2. “Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck dick for marijuana?” -Bob Saget | Actor, Comedian

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Anyone else hadn’t heard about Bob Saget since the Full House days? Yeah, me neither.

If you’re anything like me, you probably imagined Danny Tanner saying this, and were equally delighted at this candidly hilarious and dark string of words, and sad to see a part of your childhood ruined forever.

Turns out, he did a cameo in the stoner movie cult classic, Half Baked, where he delivered one of the many funny marijuana quotes in the movie.

3. “I think pot should be legal. I don’t smoke it, but I like the smell of it.” -Andy Warhol | Artist

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You may have seen iconic pop artist’s Campbell’s soup painting, or the one of Marilyn Monroe with all of the bright colors floating around the internet in infamy.

You may have also seen a few of the many quotable one-liners that Andy Warhol is responsible for.

His remarks like, “Art is anything you can get away with,” and, “Don’t pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it inches,” and of course, “I just do art because I’m ugly and there’s nothing else for me to do,” are only among the few of his quotes that make me wish I was his friend while he was alive.

His candidly refreshing approach to life, art, and cannabis is not only hilarious but also insightful and unapologetically shameless.

“I know you’re supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don’t do the other stuff, but weed is good.” -Kevin Smith | Actor, Comedian, Filmmaker

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Sigh. We get what Kevin’s trying to say. We really do. But really? Telling kids to “do weed”?!

While we don’t agree with this philosophy, we couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer audacity of this quote.

We think what he was trying to say was that all of the anti-drug campaigns should separate cannabis as a lesser dangerous drug instead of lumping it in with substances like heroin and meth.

This is one of the funny marijuana quotes because it’s clearly a joke. No one is encouraging kids to use cannabis, including us.

5. “When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” -Barack Obama | 44th President of the United States

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Obama, we miss you so much.

This was a play on when Bill Clinton famously said that while he may have tried cannabis, he never inhaled.


Obama is our hero for owning up to his own cannabis use. He even chronicles his adventures with the “Choom Gang” and how they all used to smoke weed together as teenagers.

6. “It would be wryly interesting if in human history the cultivation of marijuana led generally to the invention of agriculture, and thereby to civilization.” -Carl Sagan | Astronomer

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This quote from Carl Sagan blew my mind a little bit.

Many people have their speculations, but since no one can really pinpoint when we began cultivating cannabis for the first time, it may just be our first crop!

Could you imagine how anti-marijuana people would feel if they knew that the foundation of our civilization was built on cultivating cannabis?

Mind blown.

Know of any other funny marijuana quotes that would fit in perfectly with this blog?

Let us know in the comments section below because we want to laugh too!

Did you love this blog? Feel free to leave us a review on Weedmaps, Google, and/or Facebook to show us some love back!

By |2019-03-26T09:37:55-07:00August 7th, 2018|Cannabis, Funny|6 Comments

About the Author:

Passionate about the cannabis industry, Laura writes to expand the reach for businesses looking to improve the quality of life of others by providing safe and accessible solutions.


  1. C. Sherman August 16, 2018 at 10:07 am - Reply

    You missed my favorite. “That is not a drug, it’s a leaf” Arnold Schwarzenegger

    • Sassy August 16, 2018 at 10:08 am - Reply

      You’re so right! Thanks for sharing this gem. 🙂

  2. Trangalang August 24, 2018 at 12:00 pm - Reply

    This is so funny! Thank you for sharing.

    • Sassy August 28, 2018 at 9:08 am - Reply

      We’re so glad you love it, Trangalang! 🙂

  3. Chemney May 8, 2019 at 1:35 pm - Reply

    Thank you this was what I needed right now. I cant even think of some of these quotes without laughing. We are humam and we need to laugh like we need air.

    • Laura May 8, 2019 at 1:38 pm - Reply

      Hey Chemney! Glad you had a good laugh 🙂

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